Ok people, have you laughed today? If not, go to the bathroom and then come back and read this. Hahahahahahaha! I found this from Team Jackass, the group of riders I ran into in Texarkana in April. They completed the Lonestar Ironman, 1 mile swim, 112 mile bike and a full 26.2 marathon this past Saturday. I mean it when I say you're going to pee your pants when you read this....It's also motivation to me to get out there and get a better time at the Mighty Mite this year. BTW, Jackie and I are doing the Gearhead Tri on Father's Day, find it on racesonline.com. Here goes...keep in mind this is written with the theme Team Jackass...
....The race course was angry that day my friends....
Well IM Texas is in the books and boy are we glad. According to the incomplete Tood Payne Ego Chart we as a team swam 469 miles, biked 19, 531 miles and ran nearly 5000 miles getting ready for the big day. My guess is those numbers are about half-way correct.
The morning started out nice enough. Brent and Rilo went non-wetsuit and started 10 mins ahead of everyone. At the end of the swim, Doc Brent was 178 overall. Would have been great if this race was only an open water swim, but more on that later.
The rest of us sissies in wetsuits went off at 7:10am. Doc Pic throws down a 1:07 swim (faster than coach Ron by the way) which is a sign on how things will go for him today. Da Judge does his traditional 1:20 something swim. I pointed out that in training he swam 3 x's the amount i did and got a whole 4 mins over me.....wooooo. For the most part the group did well on the swim all doing about how they wanted too.
Have to be honest...for most of us, the day was very hot and windy. These things do dont go well for a 112 mile bike ride. However we all had the benefit of having darin powell in the transition room helping us on our way. Thanks DP....you really know how to load up a guy with Vaseline!!!!
No doubt the bike course took its toll on many of us. But some did very well. Coach ron goes 22 mph to set the tone. Doc Pic not far behind at 20.15. Da Judge and Scott Thibodeaux each go almost 20. The Jones was last out the blocks but was able to pass Doc K around mile 40 who later said his bladder could only hold about 10 oz. of fluid and he had to pee over and over again. To be honest, I dont care....Its a race.
Somewhere past the 56 mile point, Harold called it in. Not sure what happened. Some say he was helping a chick with medical needs, and others say he didn't feel well. No idea but he needs to fire his online coach and with go coach ron on the next IM as all who stuck with his plan finished.
Back to Doc Brent, you know the guy in 178th place after the swim....well coming out of T2 and on the the run he is now 1415!!! Nothing like getting passed by almost 1300 people to motivate you on the run...well maybe not
No one was happier to get off the bike than Ironman Rilo...reports had him taking a several minute break on the pavement 2 miles from the bike finish. It must have been very shaded and loaded with grass. Our boy Capt'n has a way of finding great nap locations on long rides. On a bright note, Rilo did set a new team transition record by going over 23 mins in T2, although some will argue the greater record is shawns 18 minute transition after an 18 mile bike ride at Rivercities years ago.
Coming into T2 I again had the pleasure of seeing a familiar face when Darrin was still working the tent. At this point my only question for this experienced runner was "what time can an average person walk a marathon?" The answer was 7 1/2 hours, which was good because I had about 8 to go.
By the time we were all on the run, the heat and wind on the bike course started to take effect. The run was 3 laps which gave us the opportunity to see team members from time to time. Coach Ron and Doc Pic went so fast that several of us never saw them. Coach finished in 10:46 and Pic goes 11:14 in his first IM!!! Coach must be worried this amateur almost beat him.
As I start on my 2nd lap, I see Mrs. Doc Brent who tells me the Doc is not too far up and is walking. She also tells me to make sure he does not quit. Given Doc's history with looking for cab rides to get out of races, i thought this was going to be a hard sell on Doc.....more to come.
While out on the run, i see a race developing between 5 time IM swimmer and 3 time IM finisher Da Judge vs.... 1st timer Scott Thibodeaux. .. Scott is our adopted cajun from Ft. Smith. When I first see these 2, Da Judge is only about a 1/2 mile on Scott!!! This is impressive as you see Scott is not a small frame fellow. He recently beat out Doc Pain for largest rear-end with a caboose that looks like it has the surface area of a 24 inch flat screen TV.
Soon into the 2nd lap Da Judge catches me...this is called getting lapped. Trying to show him i still have some gas, I decide to pick up the pace and run with the Judge. I have to say, i think we had some quality time out there together. After a couple miles we catch the previous mentioned Doc Brent who as described is walking. I'm talking Bataan Death March Walking!!! After a brief attempt to "coach him up" we move on...this was the last I saw of Doc Brent until Sunday morning.
Soon after leaving brent, we ran into aid station 3 which is also equipped with a medical unit. Imgiane my shock to see two team members in the med tent. My hero Rilo is at this point a human ball of sweat. I bend over to speak with him and his voice sounded like Marlin Brando in Godfather...i have no idea what he was saying to me. Also in the tent is Doc Pain....and he is not there providing medical help. Seems our good urologist had a urological issue....and that was all this fluid was going in but none was coming out. This is not a condition that helps with a 140 mile race. We had now lost 3 with #4 coming up the hill......Upon seeing what was going on at aid station 3, #4 a/k/a Doc Brent called it a day.
The previous mentioned Judge v. Cajun match was heating up now. I did all i could in pacing the judge but had to pull out around mile 24 of his race....i still had my own race to do and about 9 miles to go for my finish. Turns out Cajun runs down the Judge with about 1/2 mile to go and the "who wants it more" battle goes to the Cajun...12:07:36 to Da Judge's 12;08:41.
Next to finish was Retired Fireman keith francis in his first IM. Keith blew in with a very nice 13:07. Keith learned running a marathon after biking 112 miles is not like the doing the sub 3 hour marathons he is accustomed too. My guess is we can talk Keith into doing a 2nd one.
By now I am thinking I am only one left on the course. My guess is Lisa and Doc K have also pulled out because I had not seen either of them....i was wrong. At mile 24 I get my first look at Lisa....bad part is she is at mile 25. Jones get IM Chicked by a mile. Good part is she had no time to shower and change into that damn sun dress before i finish. Lisa goes 13:59 to beat the 14 hour mark by 31 seconds.
10 mins later jones rolls in for a 14:09. My wife, along with mary bryant, are working the finish line as "catchers" so i get caught by my wife...best part of the day. i am then escorted into the food court while still in a daze....20 mins later who rolls into the food court but Doc Klein. He looks like Moses after parting the red sea. Thank God he finished because he bought about $300 of IM Texas crap the day before.
This one is in the books and already there is talk of the next one. On behalf of Team Jack Ass i want to thank each of you who helped with training and came down to the race to watch and cheer us on....this means a lot to us.